those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
