Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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