So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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