I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
