My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
