it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
