just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
