I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
