she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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