Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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