my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize