Apparently you make a good broom.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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