I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
