last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
