I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
