I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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