Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
