guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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