You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
