why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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