I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
