can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
