i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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