i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
