i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And then he peed in my hair
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