my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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