morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think people are normalizing furries
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
