he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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