He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
