Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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