Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
