if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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