she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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