And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
