i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
