Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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