i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
