we have pet lesbian snakes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
