I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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