Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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