When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
