I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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