I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
