youre lurking in front of me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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