she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
