why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
