so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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