did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't deserve a penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
