I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
