Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
