Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
