yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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