yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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