Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
