I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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