I can text with my tongue
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
