i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
