if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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