I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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