Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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