You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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