New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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