So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
