Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
