So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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