Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
