I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
