Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
