how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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