there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Boobs speak an international language.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
