dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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