Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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