I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
