Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
