is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
