The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
