I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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