Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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