My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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