Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry about my life...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
