never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
