Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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