if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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