he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
